Diane Chambers, The Total Package?

In episode 11 (“One for the Book”), the Cheers gang are joined by two out of the ordinary patrons, a World War I (yes, you read that correctly, World War One, as in Uno, as in Yes, the first one) vet whose hosting a reunion for his platoon in the back pool room and a young man who has stumbled upon the bar and is looking to drink a few beers before starting his life as a monk the following morning.

Since the veteran, or “doughboy” as the ep’s synopsis refers to him, fought in the First World War, he was born in the 19th century. Sure, this is 1982, but it needs to be noted this man is old as hell. He explains to Norm and company that his fellow soldiers hold a reunion in Boston every 10 years. Additionally, the first one to the party traditionally strips down to his under-roos (his words, not mine) in order to surprise the others. After providing the set up for the episode’s eventual gag, the doughboy retreats back to the pool room.

The monk-to-be, meanwhile, gets hammered off two beers and begins having second thoughts about joining the monastery. Realizing he needs to take life by the horns, he grabs a hold of Diane, professes his love for her and kisses her. The live studio audience laughs and applauds.

Funny, sure? But it should be noted that this unwanted advance by the young monk comes after Sam did the same thing in episode four (and tried again several other times) and just two or three episodes after Norm’s boss essentially tried raping Diane on the pool table. The latter was the result of Diane being asked by Norm to keep his boss company because the office party he held at Cheers was a dud. When Norm saw Diane fighting off his boss, he pulled him off of her and was subsequently fired. (Despite having what would appear to be a pretty solid wrongful termination suit going for him, Norm instead opts to be an unemployed accountant for a majority of the show’s run from here on out.)

Shocked and appalled, Diane gets away from the monk by walking into the pool room, where – SURPRISE! – she’s greeted by the old vet and his (presumably) old whitie tighties.

There are two pressing issues here. First what is it about the young, smart, sassy-if-not-smug, and (kinda) prudish Ms. Chambers that drives all these men absolutely gaga? Sam remarks in one episode that she’s too judgemental of everyone and says she doesn’t like anyone in another. So why are all these guys howling at the moon over her?

Second, and perhaps more importantly, why the hell do these men think they have the right to simply take Diane as if she’s some sort of prize whenever they have a few beers and get horny? (Or in the case of Mayday Malone, drink no beers and get horny…) Honestly, these guys are worst than Don Draper, Pete Campbell, and Roger Sterling when it comes to hounddogging. Hounddogging, it should be noted is different than tomcatting (perhaps that’s a separate post for another day).

Thus far I’ve seen at least half a dozen men come onto Diane, including the monk, Norm’s boss and Sam Malone himself. And since the entire first season takes place inside the bar, it's office and it's back pool room, I've gotta say, Mayday has created one hell of a hostile workplace environment.

When Diane agrees to become a waitress at the end of episode 1, she does so after realizing she has no experience or skills that would make her qualified for any jobs outside of being a grad school TA. Yet as I've worked my way through the first half off the season, it's obvious she's got something that drives every man she meets wild. I can't quite put a finger on it; nor can all these fellas forcing themselves onto her. But it seems Diane Chambers may just be the total package.

The question is, is that package too much for Mayday to handle? Time shall tell...

Shooter McGavin, Night Court and a Note on 80s Fashion

Something I've been doing during my course of watching season 1 of Cheers is pausing episodes periodically. I try my best to not pause too often because I feel as if it's somehow taking away from the spirit of the "experiment" of watching all 270 episodes. (If I'm constantly pausing, I'm not actively watching, right?)

Yet I do pause from time to time, usually to take notes or to write down dialogue I feel will serve some larger purpose. But then there have been the times where I've paused, grabbed my phone, sat on my coffee and snapped a picture because what my eyes see I simply cannot do with words anything close to justice.

Harry here has appeared in two episodes of the dozen I've seen thus far. At first I thought the actor was Rick Moranis but the credits reveal that Harry the Magician's real name is Harry Anderson. Knowing I knew this dude from somewhere, I busted out my iPod Touch's IMDB app (it should be noted while I'm watching Cheers I have no less than 6 hand-held devices and two legal pads next to me) and a quick search revealed that Harry Anderson is also the Honorable Judge Harry T. Stone from Night Court.

The fact that this guy looked familiar to me isn't what made me pause the show and snap the above picture. Rather, it's the outfit here. It's a bit hard to tell in the pic I took, but for starters Harry The Magician is looking some tight dark blue jeans. He's also opted for brown and green suspenders over a belt and is wearing and cream or rose colored dress shirt with a rust and yellow tie. And topping off the ensemble is the gray hat. In the scene above Harry cons Norm out of $10. This after he conned Coach out of $20 in the cold open. He later goes on to slyly maneuver his way out of paying Diane for his tab by making her think he's paid Sam the bill and vice versa.

Why the writers thought this was a character that needed to be created is beyond me. I'm just going to assume everyone working on this show was on cocaine and doing so, I'll answer most of the questions I'll have throughout the 270 eps. Nevertheless, I'll keep my eye on ole Harry, but I'm sure I won't see much of him come season 3 since Night Court will be on the air by that time.

And next we have...



As for the other photo I took, it's none other than Christopher McDonald best known around my apartment as Shooter McGavin. I can't begin to explain how delighted I was when he walked into Cheers with a big smile on his face. In his episode, McGavin (why even bother using his real name?) plays an up-and-coming BoSox relief pitcher whose been struggling as of late. Amidst a chorus of boos from the patrons, and foul-mouthed Carla in particular, McGavin's character seeks words of wisdom from "Mayday" Malone. The icing on the cake is the southern drawl in which the character speaks which is extremely thick in his first scene and all but disappears by episode's end.

In the scene I took a cell phone pic of, McGavin is hitting on Diane (who by this point has been hit on, kissed, or groped an average of 2.8 times per episode) after believing her offering to practice yoga breathing exercises together was an offer of intercourse. (Talk about a miscommunication!) The black pants he's wearing go very well with his gray sportcoat which looks like something every yuppie wore in the 80s. No problem there (except for the fact that he begins the episode speaking like a stereotypical "good ole boy" from down south). But what's with the polo shirt and brown belt?

I'm about a dozen episodes in and already I've seen Diane wear two different shirts multiple times. This, I think, is a nice touch as it adds a sense of realism to the show. But Harry The Magician wearing brown/green suspenders over a creme colored shirt and McGavin using a brown belt to hold up black slacks? Forget pulling me out of the story. These fashion choices led me to writing this post and, in the process, reading the entire IMDB and Wikipedia entries for Rick Moranis and Carl Weathers.

This experiment may take longer than I initially envisioned...

The Trouble with Tension

We all know that Cheers centrally revolved around the relationship of Sam and Diane. The "will they or won't they" tension played up by the writers laid the groundwork for tons of NBC sitcoms that came after (Ross and Rachel, J.D. and Eliot, Jim and Pam, and to a lesser extent Jeff and Britta).



What I didn't realize, however, is this tension began with the second episode, "Sam's Women." Here Diane quickly takes note that Sam is only interested in one type of woman, hot and dumb. This is clearly true yet Sam becomes unsettled by Diane's comments and strives to show her he's into intellectual women as well, leading to a scene where he brings in his ex-wife and the two pretend to have just returned from the symphony.

As they leave the bar again, Diane picks up the program left on the table and notices it's over two years old. "Well I didn't say we just got back from the symphony!" Sam exclaims to stereotypical laughter.

In episode 4 the two are talking in the back room with Diane giving Sam some words of encouragement - "Go for it!" And of course Mayday Malone does just that by kissing her. Diane promptly flips Sam onto the pool table, jujitsu style. She apologizes and explains it was a natural reaction of hers, learned from a class she took on "advanced feminism." Because, you know, feminism is all about hating men and all college courses on the subject teach you violence rather than theory...

The synopsis for episode 6 reads: "One of Diane's old college friends comes to the bar. She is vulnerable and looking for a man to give her an afternoon of unbridled passion, and Sam predictably jumps at the opportunity."

I find the use of the word "predictably" here to be interesting. It's only the sixth episode and the writers/creators have pigeon-holed their male lead as nothing more than a charming sex addict (but that's another post for another day).

It's in episode 6 that Mayday's morality gets the best of him as he joins her back at her hotel room but cannot follow through, instead opting to leave down the fire escape. Dejected, the friend returns to the bar and declares her love life hopeless to Diane, who in turn commands Sam make things right. Sam explains to the friend that he left the hotel room because he's actually dating someone. Diane explains that she's that someone and immediately Malone grabs her around the waist and begins getting handsy. (And by handsy, I mean the slugger's close to rounding 2nd base.) Again, we are six episodes into an 11 season show and it's clear this dude has a serious problem even if he's seemingly beat his alcoholism.

Yes, Cheers may have laid the groundwork for drawn-out romances that many of sitcoms of recent day have taken cue from. But instead of enjoying the fact that I'm going through the journey of watching these characters fall for each other, I'm finding myself troubled by the whole premise and how the writer's have thrown this romantic tension together.

And perhaps my own need to analyze anything I read or watch could be the downside to my whole "experiment"...

So a guy walks into a bar...

Thus far I've watched a handful of episodes beginning, obviously, with the very first episode. Though I've thought extensively about what this project and have written a dozen pages worth of notes on a yellow legal pad (hey, I'm an English professor, I can't help myself), I have not settled on any concrete way in which to structure my posts. Should I just write exposition? Should I dissect episodes chronologically? Discuss them as a whole. Provide a synopsis of each episode? One post per episode? One post per five?

I have not settled on any answers for these questions. So I will simply begin writing as I sit here notes in hand. And if these posts take on any kind of common structure, so be it.

So the pilot of Cheers is entitled "Give Me a Ring Sometime." A clever title, for its day I'm sure. The cold open gives us Sam Malone hanging out in an empty bar moving boxes and cleaning glasses when in walks in a young kid asking for a beer. Malone, ever the responsible small business owner, asks for ID. The kid produces a fake that says he was born in the 1940's. We're not even a minute in to the experiment and I'm already being smacked in the face with how old this show is. It started September 20, 1982 -- nearly one full year before I was born.

Anyway, the kid talks about seeing action in 'Nam and is refused service. We have our credits and in walks Diane Chambers. Based on the title of the episode and what I know from having seeing many episodes as a child, I realize that his man with her, her professor/fiance (aptly named Sumner) is not going to be around for long. Around for long he is not as Sumner tracks down his ex-wife to retrieve the wedding ring he gave her so he can give it to his new bride-to-be, Diane.

Um, what? This dude is running off with his graduate student (it's established that Diane is a TA at Boston University working for her lit professor) to Barbados to get married and he hasn't given her a ring? Isn't that a red flag, Diane? Also this man is a professor. In Boston. In the 1982. How the eff does he have money to fly to Barbados and no money to go buy a new engagement ring?

(Additionally there's one scene in which an old lady in a wheel chair is a patron. How the hell did she get down the flight of stairs? But I digress...)

Sumner returns sans ring to the bar where Diane and Sam are already establishing their love/hate relationship that drives the first half of the series. He lives again to fetch the ring with Diane this time trying to stop him because the ring is not necessary. It's just a symbol, she states.

"Symbols matter," Sumner replies. This I write in my notes because I feel it may have some meaning later on.

Later on we are introduced to Norm Peterson, professional bar fly, amateur accountant. It's also explained the Sam "Mayday" Malone was a relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox for a few successful years until alcoholism got the better of him. While still a drunk, he bought the bar and now keeps it for "sentimental reasons." See! Symbols do matter...

Along with waitress Carla and Sam's old manager in the minors, Coach, we have a main cast of five characters. Cliff Clavin is here, too, but only as a guest actor.

All in all, I laughed out loud a few more times than I figured I would have. And I'm surprised to learn that I didn't know (understand) that Diane was an English lit TA when I watched this show as a child. I'm looking forward to catching a liteany of references that were over my head back then. But then again, I fear any literature references/jokes made by Diane will come across as the character painting herself as a nerd who can't get communicate with regular people ala the Sheldon character in The Big Bang Theory.

All in all, I enjoyed the episode and after rewriting this post I've decided there is no way in hell I'm writing one post per episode.

The Introduction

It's a hot July afternoon in the year 2011 and I am sitting at my desk with air conditioning blasting at my back creating a blog devoted to a noble, if not silly, challenge in which I have decided to indulge myself.

The challenge? Simple - I am going to watch every episode of the TV sitcom Cheers. All 270 episodes, in order and presumably over the next several months. When I came up with his asinine goal, the initial plan was to spend my entire summer watching nothing but Cheers episodes and to have completed the task by Labor Day. I quickly realized this was something I did not want to do for a numbers of reasons, including the fact that I do not want to compare myself to Morgan Spurlock nor do I want to deny myself the trashy reality TV programming I hate myself for loving. (CT and Adam are teammates on The Challenge this season! I have to watch that.)

So instead of watching only episodes of Cheers, I will instead allow myself to watch other things throughout the summer both in order to keep a mild level of sanity and also to potentially find other shows in which I can draw comparisons.

What am I getting out of this? To be honest, I'm not quite sure if there is anything to be gained. By blogging about my experience, I am not trying to create a "Julie and Julia" for men (though that comparison has been mentioned by nearly every friend I mentioned this idea to). I'm trying to catapult myself to Internet stardom and position myself into meeting Ted Danson. I'm a 27-year-old college instructor and struggling writer of stories, novels and poems -- believe me, any delusions of grandeur on my end have evaporated long ago.

Rather, I believe the only possible thing that can be gained from watching all these episodes, and subsequently blogging about said watching, is some form of connectedness. To the past, is one obvious connection since we're talking about a TV show that's been off the air for nearly two decades. I can already see myself tagging posts with words and phrases such as: "Larry Bird", "Reaganomics", and "Berlin Wall foreshadowing."

There is also a connectedness to my own childhood; after all, I wasn't even born when this show began airing. I did watch the show as a child, both in first-run and syndication and vaguely enjoyed it, but as a child the learned wit of Frasier Crane, the not-so-subtle alcoholism of Norm Peterson, and the abundant innuendo from the tomcating Sam "Mayday" Malone were by and large over my head.

So without further ado, I shall begin a challenge that I make no claim to be unique or inspiring. Yet from the day I thought it up some weeks ago, I've felt a sense of obligation to see this idea through.

And on a holiday weekend where the most popular event is televised gluttony (the Nathan's Four of July Hot Dog Eating Contest), beginning the journey of devouring 270 episodes of an iconic American sitcom seems only fitting. So let's begin, shall we?

Cheers!

-Brandon